brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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