I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
