planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
