you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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