DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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