just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
