I will die if light touches me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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