Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
