Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
