I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
