hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
