she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
