the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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