Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
