did you get engaged???
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
