I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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