She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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