it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
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i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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