I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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