my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
