I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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