dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
