do herpes really smell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
