So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize