I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
