Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
