Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
