This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
