I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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