it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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