Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
