First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
