is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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