my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
