moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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