***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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