just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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