I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
