Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
