I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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