I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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