I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize