so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
