I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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