Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
