Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
