bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
