I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
