when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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