Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
