o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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