Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
