You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
