she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
