my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
