So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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