You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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