omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ketchup is God's man juice
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
