I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
