did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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