I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
