I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
