I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
