My pussy is not your playground.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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