My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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