Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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