at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
