A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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