That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
