I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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