It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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