i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Everything about him screamed your future.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
