im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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