The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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