it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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